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... see your face in my dreams tonight.

I thought about my long lost friend again today.   I saw somebody walk out of a coffee shop and thought it looked a bit like her.    I know it wasn't but I smiled and grieved all the same.   It is a week from her birthday  so it does not surprise me that she crossed my mind.    

But the post of this post is not to focus on that but to remind you that it is a good time to be watching the night sky for shooting stars.        

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... it will be the anniversary of someone's birthday.   I hope that life is being kind to them.    And elsewhere in my life other friends struggle to cope with the grief of having lost a loved one - unexpectedly.   

Me, I am just trying to keep on going.   I'm tired, I'm afraid of growing old and finding myself alone.... and I'm still wasting time waiting for it all to get better.

 

Sigh... insanity is doing the same things and expecting different results.

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... and I still have not seen nor heard from you.   It has been years, and I still cannot forget you.   I told you a few years back to fly away and be free. But still you occupy space in my head and heart.   

 

Just last week another person's birthday passed. And while I had specifically asked them to make time for coffee, that didn't happen.   I may bother to mail their birthday card or not; I'm undecided on that just yet.

 

So we get to the point.... why do I insist on holding on to relationships that are not fulfilling?    What is it about me that feels like these are the friends that I deserve?   Whatever...  

 

I hope that you are healthy and happy. I hope that you find yourself surrounded by people that like you as much as I did...and more importantly that you let them be part of your life.   You deserve to be loved.

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And I am on lunch .... I had a feeling the other evening that someone might be closer than Dallas - which was the last known place that I knew she had gone.  

 

I miss my friend.   I trust The Universe to treat her kindly. 

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I woke up feeling run down last Saturday morning. But I had a fun 5km race on my schedule so just ignore that, right?    I have spent the week (2 actual days off work - I almost never miss work) and coughing fits...   green phlegm... you get the idea.    That lovely ring of scar tissue in my windpipe is irritated and I'm tired of gagging on the poison that my lungs feel a need to produce.   Tired of sick - time to Be Well.

 

Last night I attended "Between Breaths" at the National Arts Center, in Ottawa, it was in the small theatre beyond the fountain.   I don't recall ever having seen anything in that one before.   I see lots of shows in the big hall but this was different.    I found it challenging to not have a coughing fit every time I head someone else cough.    But I managed to not disturb the show.   It is an interesting story and even if it wasn't a Newfoundland thing I would recommend that you try to see it.   

 

I have one week until I run the half marathon in Ottawa's Race Weekend... I can grow new lungs in less than 8days.    Allons-y! 

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So as the end of April approaches, many in the communities that surround my hometown are faced with the possibility of serious flooding. Sad for those people. But we have to remember that we did not conquer the earth; we infested it.  

 

It will tolerate us briefly but in the end, it will be our own choices that dictate how hospitable our stay here will be.

 

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