... and I still have not seen nor heard from you. It has been years, and I still cannot forget you. I told you a few years back to fly away and be free. But still you occupy space in my head and heart.
Just last week another person's birthday passed. And while I had specifically asked them to make time for coffee, that didn't happen. I may bother to mail their birthday card or not; I'm undecided on that just yet.
So we get to the point.... why do I insist on holding on to relationships that are not fulfilling? What is it about me that feels like these are the friends that I deserve? Whatever...
I hope that you are healthy and happy. I hope that you find yourself surrounded by people that like you as much as I did...and more importantly that you let them be part of your life. You deserve to be loved.
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... So what is it that makes you tick? Who are you & where do you fit in your world? What's for dinner? How many honest men or women do you know? No, REALLY?
You may wonder why I ask, but how honest are you? How honest are they? Do they follow the rules when no one else is watching? Do You? Do I?
If you are wondering what my point is, I'll try to explain it to you. The world is full of people and most of us would proudly proclaim that we are not criminals. How many of us would be able to state that as a fact? I couldn't. I have committed a crime at least once in my life. I have been arrested at one point in my life ... I even pleaded guilty at trial. I was in my teens; but the fact remains that it happened. I think of these things as I pass among the race of man.
This morning as I walked out to meet a group of friends for coffee, I was singing Kris Kristopherson ... Sunday Morning Coming Down ... it wasn't pretty but I was alone so I was singing off key. God didn't seem to mind. I was remembering Sunday morning emptiness a lifetime ago ... and watching the moms & dads driving their kid-lings to & from hockey ... but then a dude comes driving down the winding road about 30km/h over the limit. And I think to myself .... "He probably doesn't think of himself as a criminal". But he would be wrong. Just because nobody pulls you over & gives you a ticket doesn't mean you did not commit the offence. And I ave seen many instances just like that one that ended unfavourably. It only takes a moment & an unfortunate series of events for that exact scene to end with someone's baby dying. I bet the nice man in the speeding SUV on the quiet suburban street never considered that ... No more so that he thinks himself a criminal.
I said out loud "Slow it down dick-head" but I know he didn't hear it. ... He, you, me ... the guy who has a couple & drives home ... are we all that different from the Paul Bernados of the world? Is it any wonder that we tolerate elected officials without integrity? We subconsciously feel that we deserve to be punished ... because WE DO. You may think that insurance fraud or tax fraud are okay as long as you don't get caught. After all everyone else is doing it & government just pisses away money - and the insurance companies will screw us over if we make a claim. But I will tell you it isn't right. Just because I am broke does not justify robbery ...
No just because I am broke does not justify robbery. Just because it is a full moon does not justify acting out on my insatiable urge to mate. No just because that man in the SUV couldn't get his butt out of bed early enough does not justify speeding and aggressive driving. The only way to change that is for ME to not do the things that I want to do that I know to be WRONG. ... And if I do the next right thing, even when nobody is watching, maybe I will be a power of example to someone some day - and then there might be two of us.
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So as the end of April approaches, many in the communities that surround my hometown are faced with the possibility of serious flooding. Sad for those people. But we have to remember that we did not conquer the earth; we infested it.
It will tolerate us briefly but in the end, it will be our own choices that dictate how hospitable our stay here will be.
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Well, how time flies. It is June already less than 22 days from another milestone in my world ... the sun approaches the line ... as I like to say. I ran that half marathon; it wasn't pretty. On the day that I signed up I had intended to run a 2:15 half. On Race Day I managed to run a 3:05 half ... but once again I toed the line (without having trained properly) and having started, I crossed the finish line.
I made a point of thanking the volunteers & the police for closing roads. I watched the sky & the trees & the other runners. I watched as walkers passed me & left me in their dust. But as I neared the finish line I stopped & kissed my girlfriend too.
A long time ago I learned that it isn't the destination that count but the journey. This is a wonderful life & my priorities are what they are - if I train to run a 2:00 half marathon I can run one ... Maybe someday that will be important.
This picture was captured by a friend - I didn't even see him. My back was aching and I was less than 2km from the finish line. I cannot imagine what would make my back hurt - unless it was the twin alien babies I have growing in my belly. So my priorities for this summer are to strengthen my back, modify my eating patterns, possibly drop a few pounds ... spend more time cross training & try to increase my pace without injury.
While I am doing that I will work on my endurance, and on being more aware of when I should use my inhaler. It is hard to run when you can't breath, but you already knew that.
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So, last September I began a challenge that was to try to lose 13% of my body weight in the following 12 months. I have to tell you that I will not have accomplished that goal by tomorrow.
I am down just under 20 pounds as of this morning. The most I was down was 20.5 pounds a few weeks back in the late spring. Now, I will not be abandoning this goal (for the record I needed to lose 33.5 pounds) just because I have not hit that target. I will continue to eat and exercise and pay attention. I will try to hit and surpass that goal going forward. I have a couple of actual target weights in mind ... the original target being one and possibly 20 additional pounds beyond that. But I am not setting a time target. At least not for the time being.
We Shall See ...
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So today I had a minor surgery. The staff at the hospital were great ... the results are good and I hope to be back running in six weeks. Which is important because I am registered for the Commander's Challenge at the Army Run in Ottawa this fall. So While I should be stating my hill training I am reduced to walking. And When I should be running about 15 km for my LSD run this Sunday, I will be fortunate to get in a 5km walk.
Another race without proper training - nothing new there. What is going to be new is needing to strengthen my core all over. You see I needed surgery because while I was training last fall for the Trapline Marathon, I experienced a coughing fit while I was tightening my running hydration belt and as a result I ended up with an umbilical hernia. So for the better part of a year, my normally "inny" belly-button has been an "outy"
So I will have to do some research and find some exercises that I can begin to correct a weakness in my abdominal wall.
#cannotcatchabreak
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So I awoke this morning to the news that Stephen Hawking had passed away. Oh, and I had forgotten to adjust my clock before I retired last night so I gave someone a wake up call that was an hour late. In my defence, I had not been home since the time change & as I am in the habit of changing all the clocks that do not self-adjust on the evening of the change before bed ... it was an simple oversight. I was laughed at and forgiven - in that order.
Now since it is PI-DAY, and one of the more respected minds has left us ... I thought of a lost friend. I make a point of leaving her alone for the most part these days. But I fired off an email to the last email address that I have for her letting her know that there are still days when I miss her company. Tonight I will make a point of spending time with friends that want to participate in my life, and at some point today I will phone my mother and remind her that I love her. IF you have not made time lately, I urge you to fit it in .... Hug Your Kids; Phone Your People; Make Time For That Coffee .... because even the smartest of us will run out of time with things left on our To Do Lists.
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